not too much has gone on since the last time i posted. i'm still working like 30 hours a week and going to school full time. same shit different day. this job really takes the life out of me. after getting off of work at midnight there's really nothing else i want to do besides go home and sleep. ben still hasn't signed up for his 5 hour course...not surprising. that's really about it. i'm broke...as a joke..and people still have the nerve to ask me for money. that's funny because there's no one i can ask for money when i need it besides my grandmother and i really really dont like asking her for money. she'd give it to me at the drop of a dime but i just feel like i shouldn't be asking so i dont. i have all these damn bills all of a sudden that i can barely afford to pay for. but i make do. it's all about budgeting. all this shit makes me realize why i'm in school because by the time i hit thirty i refuse to live paycheck to paycheck. it's just not happening. and i dont want to have to tell my kids that they can't have something because i can't afford it. i will tell them they can't have something because their spoiled asses just ain't havin it! lol

yesterday my mom and my brother got into this big ass fight. i dont know what to make of it. he wants his way all the time and wants to do what he wants because he has always been spoiled. i blame that on both my mother and father. he's just always been spoiled. even i spoil/spoiled him, ever since he was a little thing. i get caught between the two because i can see where my mother gets frustrated and i can also see where he gets frustrated. i try to talk to him and calm him down. for the most part it works. so now i give him a little money whenever i can maybe ten dollars or something. hes only 16 and its hard nowadays for anyone to find a job especially when you're under eighteen, black, and a male. it's just hard. so i kind of sympathize with him, but at the same time he has to get his shit together. he's in 11th grade and he needs to get his grades up so he can go to a good school because in this day and age college really is the only way to go. you have to have a degree. that's just the way it is. he can't hang out in the streets all day. he just can't.

hmmm...what else? you know what really irks me?? i write my xanga. this is the only place where i really express my personal shit and it's mainly because i know no one except me will read it which is basically what i want. but yea, ben has his little journals and places where he writes but he will not let me read them. and i let him read mine (if he wants to) because i really have NOTHING to hide. and there are times when he tries to make me out to be dishonest or misleading and i explain that i tell him EVERYTHING...whether or not he will like it. however, he rarely lets me read anything that he has writes, he never expresses what bothers him...and it bothers me. it makes me uncomfortable...